Revelations

11th December 2011

 

Here’s something I typed back in July. Originally, I had no intentions of posting it. Looking through some of my previous entries I came across “Revelations” and read through it. Although some may not agree entirely with me, I decided that it should be posted for the world to see.

At the end of the day, it’s still about ship life but more importantly, the things you come to realize living and working in this environment. This type of lifestyle does, whether you believe it or not, opens your eyes to many different subjects and changes who you are and how you see things. Therefore, the update is being uploaded. After all, why should I keep what I’m thinking a secret? I’ve documented (warts and all) everything else while working onboard the Mariner of the Seas

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Revelations

 

9^th July 2011

Last night was the first of the two sea days and the third and final formal night for this cruise. I was one of the lucky ones who had a late start. Due in the gallery at 13.30 I woke up at 10 and went to Back Deck to chill out (and wake up) for a few hours and type another blog entry.

Once 13.30 rolled up, I was pretty much on the go until we finished formal night at 01.30. I was supposed to be in the gallery until 15.30 but just as I was about to leave a group of eight Italians needed help finding their images. My Italian is minimal but if they speak slowly enough I can understand. It’s one of the bonuses from speaking Spanish. They spoke slowly in Italian while I replied in Spanish. Slowly we were getting somewhere with their photos.

In the end, they wanted the 15 package so they could split the photos between them. That wasn’t a problem… paying the bill was. The package had to be charged to one card which they weren’t happy about. The Italians wanted the bill to be split eight ways too, which was a no-no.

After a while they started getting agitated saying I didn’t understand, which I did. They complained that there wasn’t anyone who spoke Italian in the gallery. Fabio was on his break so I was going to call and ask him to come up. He’s already done a stint in the gallery and set up. The 15 package soon went out the window and they left with five single photos. I was 45 minutes late for my break and only had 30 minutes to get ready for formal night.

Tonight’s studio set up seemed a little strange. I was shooting Black outside the dining room on Deck 4. Camila was around the corner, in front of Boleros, on Titanic. Apart from that, there weren’t any other studios on our deck. Usually we have both Centrum and Stairs set up as well as a backdrop. Not tonight. Stairs hadn’t been set up since Jeni left.

Downstairs on Deck 3 there were three backdrops set up within minimal space. One outside the dining room, LSP in front of the gallery and Hernan on grey which was smack bang in the middle of the other two studios.

While shooting a couple I couldn’t help but listen to two American girls behind me in the queue. They were talking about two English girls across the landing. Listening to what was being said, I watched the English girls out the corner of my eye. “That dress is cute but her boobs are like, really small”. It was constant nit-picking.

Getting the two American girls in my studio, I took one look at them and couldn’t believe the crap they’d been spouting! Don’t get me wrong, they looked lovely in their dresses and were dolled up to the nines. The thing that made me laugh was the fact that both girls were sporting overly large, gravity defying breasts which were just stuck, rock solid to their chests. Flashing me a smile was like firing my camera's flash directly into my eyes. I needed my sunglasses for their Colgate smiles. They had a good cosmetic dentist, that’s for sure! With the make-up caked on inches thick, and their dresses leaving little to the imagination.

The girls stared at me blankly, when I directed them to put their hands on their leg and at one point even tried putting them on each other’s legs. Unhooking my camera from around my neck, I walked over and mimicked their positions. “Ooooh okay, that’s cute” they laughed. Getting them in and one as quickly as possible, I moved onto the next person.

It wasn’t long until the two English girls were gracing my studio with their presence. Having a quick look, I didn’t see anything wrong with them. They had minimal, natural looking make-up wearing lovely green and blue full length gowns. They looked effortlessly elegant! Posing them was easy, they were both ridiculously photogenic. They are the sort to make you, the photographer, look great!

One of the two had a little stumble when she stepped on her dress. Laughing, I joked “If you’re going to break your neck, can you at least do it outside my studio”. She quickly fired back “No, I’ll break my neck where I want and sue you!” All three of us were laughing. They were honestly great girls who could have a giggle. Unlike the two American girls who had nothing in between their ears and a limited vocabulary, these two were quick witted, enjoyed a laugh and had a natural glow to them.

Just as the girls were leaving, I jokingly suggested, I’d change my tuxedo for one of their dresses, a swap for the night. One looked at me with faked confusion and yelled out “Hell no! I’d look like a boy!” “Cheers. You trying to say I look like a boy now? Charming!” Both laughed with the other saying “Erm… no…” before grabbing her dress, lifting it up a little and running a couple of steps shouting to her friend “quick run before she throws her camera at us”. They came back laughing, thanked me for taking their photos with one adding she’d like to try a tuxedo as it’s not something you’d usually see girls wearing. If she wants to try my tuxedo on another night, she's more than welcome! They left with big smiles and said they’d be back later, after they’d had dinner.

During a quite stint in my studio I watched the world go by. Guys in suits and tuxedos, girls in their party dresses and ladies wearing floating gowns and dresses. My mind started drifting to the different people we’ve had on this cruise. Different nationalities, cultures, faces, builds etc.

I’m not ashamed to admit that I more often than not, feel insecure about standing in front of my studio wearing an ill-fitted tuxedo with boring black, flat shoes and hair scraped up into a ponytail. Especially with hundreds of girls floating past dolled up to the nines; hair immaculately styled by the hairdressers, high heels firmly in place and lovely, well fitted and figure hugging dresses on. They look a million dollars while you look more like something dragged out a $1 bargain bin!

The American family from the previous cruise had got me thinking, but it wasn’t until the American girls came into my studio that the penny dropped! A light bulb lit up in my head! I might not be the most beautiful girl in the world, the next Miss Universe, but I don’t try to hide or change that fact by going under the surgeon’s knife. After going under the surgeon’s knife for medical reasons and having the pain it brought with it, being unable to move because of the stitches, I’d never, NEVER put myself in the same position for vanity, cosmetic reasons.

People like me are covered in imperfections, I’m covered in scars, especially on my back. Yet, seeing someone so perfect thanks to the help of a cosmetic dentist, plastic/cosmetic surgeon is now becoming boring. They are all the same, gapless, overly white Colgate teeth, impossibly high boobs that look more like melons cut in half and super glued to the chest and shiny, yet completely unwrinkled skin with frozen faces, void of any expression. I can now spot a plastic from a mile off.

The best bit about them was the fact that they only cared about their looks. They cared about nothing else. Their grey cells had no knowledge of anything other than the latest MAC makeup, Louis Vuitton bags etc. Ask who the previous President of the United States was and they’d be baffled. Ask them who Heidi Montag is and they’d be able to give you her life story and go into great detail about her surgeries.

The idea of having imperfections, to me, is now becoming more like a perfection. Having an imperfection whether it’s a gap in your teeth, scar or a face covered in freckles, sets you apart from the others. It’s unique! It’s you! We weren’t all made to look the same.

It’s a perspective on life that I hope I’ll not only carry with me for the rest of my contract, but for all my years to come! Never again will I feel insecure about the way I am or even who I am. The realisation at 24 may be a little late but hey, it’s better late than never!

Next time, rather than feeling insecure or inadequate, I’ll smile to myself. I’m my own little imperfectly perfect me with a lot to live for. The world is my oyster. I shall make the most of that little phrase. Enjoy what I have, while I have it, achieve and exceed my goals and live every moment to the fullest.

I am Lou Hellen Tickle with nothing to lose and everything to gain.

It’s time to start living!